The “Self” of “I” or the “I” of “Self”?

Sharing some old writings.

The “self” of “I” or the “I” of “self

In life we operate in two states of the self. We don’t really recognize this and so we hear stories from the Enlightened ones of the self and the ego.

I will jump right in and give examples:

If someone asks you “who are you”

You might respond in 2 ways:

1.”I am so and so (whatever name you have) “

2.”My name is so and so”

In # 1 you are responding from your little self and #2 you are responding from your bigger self. In terms of spirituality or humanity “little” meaning you associate more with the ego self of this physical plane more than your real self. The “big” self is the observer self or the “state of awareness” self – the one that says that this is just my designated self on this physical plane. In case #1, the person will only give his name when you ask –“What is your name?”

The Enlightened master if you ask who are you will only “smile” and go into bliss for he cannot say a name. Maybe he/she might say “Ananda”(meaning bliss), or “SatChitAnand”( truth, consciousness, bliss). So in India when a sanayasa( monk/nun/ renunciant) takes the vow, his old name is discarded and a new one is given most likely with the word “Ananda” at the end of it. He is “reborn” striving to the state of “SatChitAnand”.  Since in the old days in India only men went to ashrams so this worked well. But then there were many women Indian saints – many unknown. There were no institutions to name them since they did not live in an ashram so they were simply called “Maa.” In modern times we know of women saints like “Anandamayi Maa” and the other Indian masters like “Ammaji” which just means mother. “Maa” also refers to the creator (since we all came from a “Maa” or mother) and the force within us for any spirituality of bliss or consciousness to take place in any human.

The Buddha and the Christ were not their real names, since they were in the state of the enlightened.

Hinduism goes back before Christ and if we are to talk of Krishna. He lived the life of a householder, king playing many roles but was also absorbed in the state of the highest self, while carrying out his duties. He was addressed by several names and played the part of the many.

The common thing of all these great beings is that they all had a guru.


This entry was posted on April 23, 2018.

Sometimes Words Are Not Necessary

It has been trying on the body these last few months but I am better now. Lost a lot of weight. I am happy that I can still just shift into a space of sweetness.

I don’t have words to describe this wonderful nameless, formless, beautiful energy of God.

Sometimes no words are necessary.




This entry was posted on January 19, 2018.

Where are we Heading?

My thoughts for today.

In this time of great upheaval, as the world stands on the precipice of war, mother nature is trying to help us avoid this. The natural disasters in no way compare to nuclear war which damages the atmosphere and everything around for many years. These events compels us to help our fellowman and makes us remember to be kind, to be considerate and respectful to others and share the resources of the world. When disaster strikes we see the best in humanity. When things are going too good people get restless.

Understanding our own nature will help us understand the nature around us and see that we are connected and part of everything.

Today our most watched TV shows are about solving murders and some of them are very graphic. Now children growing up looking at this stuff. Seeing something over and over makes one accustomed to it and it sort of gets acceptable. Mind you, I know that this is the reality but we don’t have to show such stuff. Sometimes I wonder about our media? They have their own agendas. Everything is about making money and building an economy.

An economy based on deception will ultimately collapse.

We actually don’t know why we exist and what it is we are here on this planet for. So we try to create things that make us happy. It does not seem to work because people who have lots of money are still unhappy. So we are working overtime most of our live to keep this monster economy going and our lives are slowly passing by with us not truly living. We have no way to avoid being part of everything in order just to have our basic needs met.

I think we will have to ultimately face the reality that we are a planet(one thing) and that co-operation will get us more fruits rather than competition. This old way of seeing things will have to change. Our old modalities will have to shift. Sometimes I think that the “cave man mentality” is still there  so clubs have been replaced by guns and missiles. If people build something then they will always want to use it. I think it is the time for the “feminine” to take root.

Mother nature will always win so we have to understand our own nature and align our society and ourselves with nature. There is an intelligence working here beyond our intelligence.

This entry was posted on September 25, 2017.

We are Souls on a Journey of Love

The effects of hurricane Harvey are catastrophic and we salute all the heroes who have being working night and day to help. Nature makes us realize how life is such a gift and at any moment things can change.

The “march” in my song is not a literal march. It is about the words that are our tools; it’s about bringing out the best in our being as we see in the kindness and cooperation that we are witnessing now.

We can say that the rains of Harvey washed some of the hate that was spewing out in recent times. At this moment we are indeed the words of kindness and cooperation.

Here’s my song:

This entry was posted on August 31, 2017.

How I Enjoyed the Solar Eclipse 2017

Seeing the pics on TV was wonderful but I wondered what would I feel outside?

I walked barefoot in my yard and started being wrapped up in bliss and joy. My nervous system was wrapped into a euphoric state of wonderfulness. As I write I am trying to remember. I am still in a state of wonderful bliss and harmony. It was not enormous eneregy pouring through my system as sometimes happens. I think, since some of the energy of th sun was blocked off so the less energy and the effect of the moon was totally effecting the Ida and pingalla within my being. It was certainly so wonderful as my feet was grounded in the earth, and a gentle breeze was blowing against my skin.

I decided I must takes some pictures while I was feeling so so wonderful. Here they are. I captured some of the wonderful rays. Sometimes we forget how much the effect the sun and moon have on our system and how much we are part of the whole. We are so connected to nature. Many are just looking at the beauty but there is more to be experienced.

Pretty interesting the first and last photo.


This entry was posted on August 21, 2017.

We are Souls


Here’s my song:


This entry was posted on August 14, 2017.

The Magnificence of the Divine Intelligence

The mala (garland)represent the cycle of birth and rebirth and the infinite cycle of creation. The feet of the Guru represents the lost of the ego and the surrender. The flowers is the beauty of the love we share with each other as we connect to each other with the heart.

Been a while since I blogged anything. My life has reached a stage where the divine force and intelligence of the universe is running my “being” in a state that cannot be understood by many.

This divine energy of the creator is part of the creator and is embedded in us and allows us to create the life we want. But in some of us who ask the question in some lifetime “who are you God?, “who am I?”, or “I love you so much God, I can’t get you out of my mind”, then the universe begins to dance to your answers. You begin a magical journey through lifetimes and you can continue your efforts, or get lost in this illusory world again.

I was born “awakened” and had to go through lots of trials to come to my state of “being.” This intelligence that I call the Divine Mother that controls my very breath is the most intelligence force in the seen and unseen universe. She creates the world of forms. Man’s technology cannot match her technology. Our understanding of the ourselves and how things work are still not advanced. Will we destroy ourselves and have to start over?

I write now as I see her how she has turned me into the “the Satguru.” It is only that intelligence and energy that can mold anyone and anything. Many gurus are here on the planet and they teach different classes. Just as in school many are gong to elementary school, and then less to high school, then less to college level and it lessens quite a bit to the doctorate level. So too the many gurus are there guiding many others. It is the divine mother that is guiding in the Guru’s and everyone is drawn towards the guru that he or she needs.

As I was doing my sadhana I had many experiences that help to mold me into entering into this state of grace and surrender. I remember the first experience that blew my mind away. This was only about 2 yrs after I met my Guru, the great Siddha Om Maa Shree Nandini Maa. I was in meditation and was not even thinking about Lord Shiva – the master of yoga. I sat there and I began experience that I was Lord Shiva sitting in meditation but I was also here in my room sitting in my body looking at Lord Shiva. I was the same being but was also observing myself. It was something that shocked my system of comprehension and although it did not last long, I was somewhat kind of perturbed. I have no idea what other people experience but this was one of my first experiences and many times on my journey I would question my own sanity. This human body and comprehension of how it works is one of the things that all of us must try to understand. The energy system and the dynamics of the immune system and the frequency of vibration.

The Divine Mother is the one that will take the seeker to the right Guru and the one who will take us to the world of the “void” where no time, no sound, no light exist, but just consciousness. There is no energy to feel since the energy of the shakti  cannot be felt for it too has become part of the consciousness.

For most of my life I would feel this energy within me but could not understand. But the Divine Mother was always working within me and now I realized  many things about myself for some time now. No one has to become a guru but the divine mother is the one who will carve you into what you have to emanate to the world. No one understood Shree Nandini Maa and  no one will really understand me so I have given up explaining myself to others.

How can I explain that I am like the living mantras. Many invite me to their prayers but how can I say to them, I don’t come because I experience your prayers and mantras within me. If I am in a house and someone is praying in a separate room I feel the prayers and then I send my blessings. My nervous system is so sensitive to energy or vibration that sometimes it’s too much for the body. Contrary to what all believes I don’t pray or meditate all day. In fact I don’t. It is difficult to teach meditation since my being just goes into silence. I learned that during my 7 day online program. I have learned during the past few years is that seekers come and sit in my presence they will be swept into a space of no thoughts. They would say “For the first time in my life I experienced no thoughts and felt so peaceful”. For some it’s a shock and some get scared. Others can go into states of bliss, so it all depends on the seeker.

What I have become, I cannot explain.  I move with the force of the creator and just sends out love into the world. My assignment in this incarnation is about love, divine love. The thing I am discovering is that my darshan overwhelms some so I am weary of giving darshan to many. I know that true seekers will be guided to me if it is meant to be. Giving a name to myself puts me in  a “box of expectation of behavior” and limits my being. So I am no one and nothing but play the various roles as they appear before me. Even sometimes I become the essence of the Gods or Guru’s of the devotee.

So these are my thoughts on this Guru Purnima day. I have no expectations of anything. I wear clothes that is comfortably for my state and I help others who seek guidance. I still  play the role of the householder and realize that Shree Nandini Maa was such a great being that no one really understood her and that no one will really understand me.

Happy Guru Purnima to all who read.

May you expand the heart with divine love and may you be filled with bliss.

Peace unto you.




This entry was posted on July 9, 2017.

See You There

See you tomorrow at our next satsangh

This entry was posted on May 5, 2017.

Does Time Truly Exist

Does time truly exist?

If I say to you it is now 7:59:01. By the time you check a few seconds have passed so it is no longer valid. We think of time in terms of a linear thing when we relate history of the world. Yes, for all societal functioning purposes it does exists but it is always an instance like a now moment and then it is gone.

Let us think of time in another way. Let us think of time us memory or stored creative action on in the process of being stored. It took about 4.5 billion years to produce you and you are made up of the materials in the universe, both known and unknown, both seen and unseen and you get the gist. With our 5 senses we only comprehend a tiny spectrum of what exists. Scientists tell us there are many more things and as you go into the tiniest of light matter it is but a wave or particle according to the observation . So if you look into us we also vibrate as wave and particles. The difference is that we are not conscious of this.

It is within this wave and vibration that everything is occurring to change matter into the forms we see vibrating at different frequencies. There is an intelligence at work here and together with sound can penetrate and change the pattern of vibration. So time has taken place and was a creative action and became a memory.  Going too deep?

Well the problem with this earth school is that all of us knows that it has to change but how do we change it? So when I say we have to change ourselves from within it does not make any sense to you. Well we are all connected to this wave and particle and we as a form vibrate at a certain frequency and can impact others. Experiments conducted by scientists show the impact of good positive thoughts and emotions on water. The universe is a living thing just as you are and everything is at a different state of consciousness -living in a different sense than as you think.

I have often said that, our very thoughts affect things and people around us. Because we don’t have access to how this is happening we brush it aside, but you know how you feel when you are in a positive environment such as with a friend, parent or baby. When we slow down our breath and listen inward we can get into a place of no time. It is the only place of “no time.” Hence no creative action is taking place or no memory is being accessed or accumulating in our mind.  Time does not exist here. You can come out feeling the deeper aspect of your being now rejuvenated and perhaps changing your ‘vibrational’ frequency. This causes a shift that affects the thoughts and emotions of yourself and those around who affects others since the network is there.

So when I say that we should meditate to start changing things it has a greater meaning behind it.

Besides, thoughts and emotions – the planets, the moon, the sun and certain particles from the sun affect us. This is why there are certain rituals from the Hindu philosophy to help in this. If you can meditate and change your frequency then these things cannot affect you as much.

All creative memory is stored within us and as humans, part of it is written into our genes.

As we are speaking now the brain and the nervous system is changing within us. We have to evolve whether we like it or not. Some of the modern day health problems such as some migraines, TMJ, fibromyalgia have no real cause but just an effect of human evolution(I am not referring to Darwin’s Theory).  Sound therapy, together with exercise may shift the ‘vibrational’ field helping those with depression.

Anyways, I am shifting from the topic here so let’s get back into it. I once heard that there was a study of a few thousand people meditating for a certain amount of time and the crime rate dropped in the city. I cannot verify the figures here but I see articles on my Facebook wall of the positive change in behavior of children sitting in silence in some schools.

I will give you another example. How do you feel when you go to the church, temple, mosque or other places of God worship? It feels nice , does it not? We bring out our love for God here and share it among ourselves. It is a field of vibration that was created here and you feel it. The way the building is designed helps a little towards storing this energy. Time has kind of slowed down here. Depending on the place an hour can pass by easily and you would have not noticed it if you are a ‘meditator’. The word meditation sort of puts the process of consciousness or attempting to be conscious in a box but I don’t have any other word for it.

Some people hold this frequency within them and if you are conscious enough, when sitting in their company hours can go by and you would not know. It was my experience with my guru Sri Nandini Maa. When I sat in her company hours went by without me being aware of it and she actually had to “chase” us home, lol.  I spoke of the Guru in one of my earlier posts about being a reflection of us. In those days I would think how fortunate I was to sit in such great company. I wondered ” Is this how the the disciples felt around Jesus or the gopis felt around Sri Krishna”?

I am not saying that this is all we have to do to change things and to drop everything and just do this. For many of us who are drawn to do things then we must do it, but to find the best solutions to do those things still comes from inside. I always say we must develop ourselves in every way and have a good life. I am just expressing what I am here to express in the world. It is a tiny expression but we are all expressions.

The intelligence in the universe creates what is needed in the world. Sometimes things are also taken away  because that is what is needed also. I always say that the only true constant in the universe is change and adapting to change is a constant thing to deal with.

Out of the hours in a day spend more time in positive thinking. Change thought patterns, change us:-)

This entry was posted on April 25, 2017.

Become a Seeker

The chances for a human birth are very slim in the universe of creation so it is indeed a great thing that we are here and we simple know each other. It is indeed a miracle. Living in this time has us so caught up in the materialistic world that we sometimes forget our divine self and why we are here. Anyone who has observed life or read the words from the great ones have all come back and said love, be kind  and serve each other, for our idea that we are separated is somewhat a construct of the ego. This is just the beginning of our evolution of change to know something more of our self.

Seek and you will find

In recent years there have never been a time as now where we can change our perceptions for there are myriads of books, the internet and many teachers. So the time to really seek God, know thyself  or explore your purpose is here, now. This is why I don’t really write messages anymore. Someone who is truly seeking, will find, for this has been my observation.  Everyone is free to seek in their fashion. But good karmic deeds help us all along the way in all aspects of life.

Free will is important

I see that free will is an important aspect of our growth. When I started this website I made the mistake of asking maybe one or two people to come and learn because I was so anxious to follow what guru had instructed. I then learned never try to impose any particular religion or technique on anyone even if I know it will help them. Seeking to really know God is is a private personal thing and not a societal thing. The most important thing is to ‘know thyself’. The great souls whose teachings many follow did their own personal seeking or unity with all there is and came out with suggestions and tools for growth.  If I meet any seeker I try to guide them from within their own religion or perception.

I will say this from my own journey.

Love and service is the key to start the journey. Just doing good deeds does not eliminate you from the wheel or rebirth. It is something great but more is needed for your own spiritual growth. Spontaneous awakening can happen anytime.

Humanity will only grow spiritually from going inwards for everything emanates from within for we exist within God and God exists within us.

Understanding the flow of energy, our light body within ourselves and how we are connected to each other and everything else cannot be learned from a book.

Progress slowly but make some progress. Death can come at anytime. It is only when we face chaos, death and devastation that some of us takes a breath or a step back to look at where we are in life and what matters. We seek God and each other for comfort. My advice is to take a few minutes each day to connect with yourself until you know what’s next to do.

At least become a seeker if you are not. Bhakti yoga is the easiest and begins your journey. Bhakti is love for God but it has to be with great intensity.

Here’s one of my many experiences on the journey.


Visit to Sedona

It was September 2011 Vady and I had planned a trip to Sedona and we would also visit my cousin and aunt in Arizona. It was that same month that Sri Nandini Maa left her body and we wondered if we should go and we thought that if she was there should would say “why not.”

When we arrived in it was certainly different from Texas. The red rocks are strikingly beautiful and the landscape is breathtaking. There is a different kind of energy there and we wanted to visit the vortex that they talked about. We called and booked a guide to take us around. The morning just before we left on the tour, we encountered a woman who was leaving the hotel to go back home. She had a hiking stick that she offered me because she had finished using it. I thanked her and was happy to have it as we went for the tour. We had to climb a little and it was very helpful and I thanked God for taking care of us. We always have to see and be grateful on how the universe is manifesting. The guide took us to the 4 vortexes and if one is sensitive enough then one can actually feel the energy. It felt the same as when sitting in a room with Sri Nandini Maa but it was not as strong as I sometimes felt with Sri Maa. So I understand about why people go there but just imagine I was walking the path of someone whose divine energy radiated that high – she was like a living, walking, talking “vortex.” At one of the vortexes(see about vortexes at I remember the guide showing us the clear crystal formation embedded under the rock so many people come to meditate or just sit and feel the energy. At this particular vortex Vady and I sat down to a most wonderful scene. I could feel a little of the vibration .We were on a height and down below was like huge chasm with beautiful forest and rocks with mountains in the background. It was absolutely breathtaking. It’s a really great place to visit. We were lucky it was just the two of us with the tour guide so we got to enjoy it by ourselves. As we sat there looking out with our eyes closed we started to hear the the sounds of the flute. This flute player came behind us and started to play the most beautiful flute music. We heard him greet the guide and he knew him. It was a special treat for us as we began to think of Sri Krishna and the flute. It was as if the universe manifested for us such a beautiful experience. We can never forget that.

This particular tour guide was a spiritual seeker himself and lived in Sedona himself because he had many experiences. His experiences led him to different paths and as part of his tour we would walk the Native Ameican Medicine Wheel. The wheel is a circle of stones laid out like a mandala and we go around and the guide talks certain things and tells us when to stop. Each stop represents different times or life changing events in our life. The last stop tells us what it is saying our our present life and how to go forward.. something to that effect. Vady and I got different results. I remember he told me that a new life had begun for me and must grasp it. He said a bunch of things that really pertained to my spirituality. I had left my job a year ago and was contemplating “what to do? How do I teach meditation to people or how should I start this work”  Of course the guide did not know this, but as we were leaving and he was saying not a lot of people stop at that stone but it is a big shift in my life. I confessed about wanting to do spiritual work because my Guru had told me. He suggested that I must go for it. Over the years I have learned that the universe really speaks to us in subtle ways but we have to really pay attention.

I don’t remember if I had told Vady at the time but kept feeling like eating “prasad”. I probably did not since “where would I get it there?

We had to search for vegetarian places to eat. There were a few but the Indian place was a bit too spicy for me. Anyways we went to visit some new age book stores. The store had a kind of energy that I did not like. I could not stay there long. I told Vady lets just look quickly and leave. There were many religious statues and objects of many different religions and other mystical stuff. I feel some of the objects give me a feeling of nagativity. There were even UFO stuff there.

I am not sure if it was the same day but as we were driving back to the hotel there was a particular cross section( that we drove past everyday and it was close to the hotel) that I always was curious as to where does this road lead too. I told Vady lets explore. We came to a library but also to a Hare Krishna Temple which is raising money to build a Vedic cultural center called ” Sedona Center of Vedic Culture ( We chatted with the Pundit there who was very nice to us. We told him that we are Krishna devotees and he told us to come for prayer in the evening. We told him we had to look for something vegetarian to eat and if he had any recommendations. He then invited us to come and he will cook us dinner. We went back to our hotel very happy since we were going to get food from Sri Krishna. We went back around 5 or 6 pm and he did the puja. The pundit and 2 other people then started playing different instruments and singing the chant in different ways. Since Vady and I were accustomed to singing we were able to join in nicely. They liked our singing. It turns outs that they are a band and they called themselves “Red Rock Rishis.” They invited us to join their band and go with them to Australia and other places to sing there and in other temples. We were totally flattered . They had different ways or rhythm that they did the chant in. After that we had simple delicious khichdi and salad and the best of all he made special halvah for us. I finally got the halvah that I was craving the whole trip.

Being on vacation we decided to visit an Ayurveda Spa( Ayurveda Sedona) for massages. We got the leaflet in the hotel. I was on the phone with Ayani the owner, finding out about their massages, packages and prices. We decided on hot oil massages and she did some different things in this package also. As she asked my name and I told her she paused for a an instant , enough to notice and have me wondering what was the matter. We had the most heavenly massages and part of the treatment was also putting warm ghee in the eye. It was a very nice place with good energy and she played the Gayatri mantra while we were getting the massage. After the massage and while we were paying we got to chatting and I was most curious why she paused on the phone when I was making the reservation. She said that she was doing the Devi puja daily(it was Navraatri time) and when I told her my name was “Parbatee” she thought that Devi was coming to visit her. That was an amazing experience because that was how I felt.

The rest of the stay we drove around and visited other sites. One of the most memorable of our visit was yet to come. It was our visit to the Vortex Church in Sedona called the Chapel of the Holy Cross. Its a beautiful small chapel that no longer hold worship. They sell religious trinkets and is a tourist place to visit. For me it was a place full of energy that started to vibrate within me. I am very sensitive to places and energy. I could feel inside me vibrating and my hand start raising in a blessing mudra as I walked inside the building. It got so overwhelming that I left Vady and sat on the bench outside. My hands went up in the blessing mudra. I would usually get this when I am in a group of people who are praying or chanting. There was no one here praying but people must have prayed here in the past. All that I could think of at the moment was Jesus and the words that came into my head was “Blessed art thou, blessed are all who walketh here”. Now I don’t know if “walketh” is a real word that is used in the Bible. All I can say is that I could not bring my hand down. I sat to the side on the bench and no one was really paying attention to me since the whole scene there is so beautiful. It is beautiful all around. It’s a must for anyone who goes to Sedona. I sat there unable to move my hand from the blessing mudra with those words in my head. Vady came after a while and I was able to break free and tell her what was going on. We stayed a while and then we left. The experience was meaningful to me on my journey. My thoughts then were that the  “Holy Spirit” dwells in me and my blessings come from that force. I knew then that different religions did not matter but a true seeker will always find truth.

Your experience will be different to mine but it could be amazing beyond words.


This entry was posted on April 24, 2017.